Lapdancing: Getting Started-- Part One

When men go to lap dancing clubs they are already primed to be suckered in to the fantasy of simulated sex. They would never buy a car in the same way. Do people go into an auto showroom, pick out the first car they see, and buy it without the slightest hesitation at the very moment a salesperson approaches them? Most of us do at least some preparation ahead of time and know the kind of car and model they want. A few people even do extensive research and compare brands, models, extras and the like, before going into a dealership. The more work you do before an important purchase, the greater your chances of being happy with it. Of course, there may very well be people who purchase a home or a car without doing more than being offered a first choice. But, these people are clue- less and they deserve to be fleeced by the seller. When it comes to visiting lap dancing clubs, if you don’t prepare beforehand, don’t expect any sympathy when you are left dissatisfied, frustrated, horny, and with an empty wallet.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been hanging around at a club watching the scene, when some guy walks in, sits down, and before he even gets the chance to order a beer, one of the aggressive dancers comes up to him and the next thing I see is his back as he is being led, like the stupid jackass that he is, into the dance area. Now he is doomed. Now he will never know how many better, or more attractive women there are at the club, how many better experiences he could have had or how many dancers he could have met for some future visit.

Once I was at the Crazy Horse in Chicago (see later entry for a review) spending some time during the day (see a later entry for day vs. night for a good time). On that occasion I was mainly interested in drinking cold beer and getting out of the heat, because it was July and the humidity was close to 100%. This businessman walks in all scrubbed clean, wearing a nice suit and just plain mesmerized. He didn’t even try to sit down. At this particular club there was an aggressive dancer named “Summer” (see later entry for a story about another Summer). She fit the model for what most dumb guys new to lap dancing clubs look for. She was tall, had fake boobs and, of course, dyed blond hair. Summer was a tall Pamela Anderson. Have you ever looked closely at Pamela Anderson’s face? She has a pig nose, big forehead and beady eyes. Why was she a sex symbol? Simple. She had fake blond hair and fake big boobs. Aren’t guys stupid?

So, Summer goes right up to this yuppie and, without any chit- chat, asks him to go for a lap dance. Of course, he said “yes,” and disappeared with her into the “VIP” room (see later entries for VIP room stories). About a half hour later the jerk stumbles out with a shit eating grin on his face and exits into the blazing mid day Chicago sun. For all he knew, the Crazy Horse had no cold beer, no funny, entertaining, warm, friendly and talkative dancers. Yet, it did. He missed the real experience because he went for the dyed hair and fake boobs. Fantasy trumps reality every time. But, the reality of the clubs is infinitely more incredible than anyone without the minutes to invest in understanding the dancers and the lap dance experience can ever know.